Sleep (or lack thereof), Honesty, and Other Fun Things.

So here I am at 4:02am, and day 3 since I decided to make this a daily blog. As you can tell, my sleep schedule is still out of whack. Or is it? I started pondering this the other day after I posted my blog about my "crazy" sleep schedule. Perhaps my schedule isn't "crazy" after all. To be totally honest, it feels quite normal and natural to me. The only thing that makes it seem "crazy", is the fact that most people sleep during the night. I feel this is largely due to the fact that most people have to get up in the morning for work, or to take kids to school. Have you ever noticed when you don't have to get up in the morning for anything specific, that you tend to stay up most of the night? I feel that perhaps most people are wired to do so, but don't normally have a chance to stay up because they need to adhere to a structured sleep schedule; one that fits accordingly with their daily lives. The truth is, in the past when I did have to get up in the morning, it was hard for me to always fall asleep at a decent hour in order to get a decent night's sleep. I have never been a big sleeper in terms of hours slept.

I have to admit that it is during the late night hours (meaning between 1am-6am) that I am the most creative. I write 99% of my songs during that time, as well as this blog, and the novel I am currently working on. But I will also admit, it can be a lonely time as well. Since this is a time when most people are sleeping, there is rarely anyone available to talk or chat with. Sometimes I desperately need someone during these late night hours. I think this helps to add to my feelings of loneliness.

I once read a Michael Jackson interview in Rolling Stone from 1983. In the article, Michael mentions how when he wasn't touring and was at home in Encino (where he lived at the time), he would go for long walks in the evening around his neighborhood, just hoping to find someone to talk to, yet never did. You have to remember this was during the height of his fame, right after Thriller came out, and made him the biggest star on the planet. I found what he said about taking the walks very sad, but I could also relate to it, for I have done the exact same thing myself. No one at the time would have ever thought that the most famous person on the planet, would also be one of the most lonely. It seems that happiness and success don't ever really seem to go hand in hand.

I had a friend recently who told me that I was a bad friend, and that she felt like she didn't even really know the "real" me. After she told me this, it really got me thinking. I have to admit, she was right, I haven't been a good friend to her. Which more than likely means I haven't been a good friend to others. If you are one of my friends who feel that way, I sincerely apologize. Please blame it on my head and not my heart. I know I tend to not share myself, and who I am with everyone. I have had a crazy life full of hurt, sadness, anger, pain, abuse, heartache, fear, and loneliness. I'm not afraid to admit that to you all now. After my conversation with my friend, I decided that I need to open up and share myself a little more with you all.

So, I have decided that's what this blog will be all about. It will be about my thoughts, and feelings. Sometimes it will be silly, sometimes serious. I want to share my journey with you all. This will include my music, and my writing. The most important thing is that I'm always honest and true to myself. I know there will be days where I won't feel like blogging, or that I may sit and stare at the screen looking for something to write. But I will do my best to always be me, even if I don't have much to say.

I really do value all of you for reading my blog. I finally figured out I had a glitch in the settings, which required people to sign up in order to post a comment. I have now changed that and posting a comment is open to anyone, even if you want to post as anonymous. So please, feel free to leave me a comment. I will read them all, and respond to the one's that require so.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Until tomorrow....

-Nick