Sleep (or lack thereof), Honesty, and Other Fun Things.

So here I am at 4:02am, and day 3 since I decided to make this a daily blog. As you can tell, my sleep schedule is still out of whack. Or is it? I started pondering this the other day after I posted my blog about my "crazy" sleep schedule. Perhaps my schedule isn't "crazy" after all. To be totally honest, it feels quite normal and natural to me. The only thing that makes it seem "crazy", is the fact that most people sleep during the night. I feel this is largely due to the fact that most people have to get up in the morning for work, or to take kids to school. Have you ever noticed when you don't have to get up in the morning for anything specific, that you tend to stay up most of the night? I feel that perhaps most people are wired to do so, but don't normally have a chance to stay up because they need to adhere to a structured sleep schedule; one that fits accordingly with their daily lives. The truth is, in the past when I did have to get up in the morning, it was hard for me to always fall asleep at a decent hour in order to get a decent night's sleep. I have never been a big sleeper in terms of hours slept.

I have to admit that it is during the late night hours (meaning between 1am-6am) that I am the most creative. I write 99% of my songs during that time, as well as this blog, and the novel I am currently working on. But I will also admit, it can be a lonely time as well. Since this is a time when most people are sleeping, there is rarely anyone available to talk or chat with. Sometimes I desperately need someone during these late night hours. I think this helps to add to my feelings of loneliness.

I once read a Michael Jackson interview in Rolling Stone from 1983. In the article, Michael mentions how when he wasn't touring and was at home in Encino (where he lived at the time), he would go for long walks in the evening around his neighborhood, just hoping to find someone to talk to, yet never did. You have to remember this was during the height of his fame, right after Thriller came out, and made him the biggest star on the planet. I found what he said about taking the walks very sad, but I could also relate to it, for I have done the exact same thing myself. No one at the time would have ever thought that the most famous person on the planet, would also be one of the most lonely. It seems that happiness and success don't ever really seem to go hand in hand.

I had a friend recently who told me that I was a bad friend, and that she felt like she didn't even really know the "real" me. After she told me this, it really got me thinking. I have to admit, she was right, I haven't been a good friend to her. Which more than likely means I haven't been a good friend to others. If you are one of my friends who feel that way, I sincerely apologize. Please blame it on my head and not my heart. I know I tend to not share myself, and who I am with everyone. I have had a crazy life full of hurt, sadness, anger, pain, abuse, heartache, fear, and loneliness. I'm not afraid to admit that to you all now. After my conversation with my friend, I decided that I need to open up and share myself a little more with you all.

So, I have decided that's what this blog will be all about. It will be about my thoughts, and feelings. Sometimes it will be silly, sometimes serious. I want to share my journey with you all. This will include my music, and my writing. The most important thing is that I'm always honest and true to myself. I know there will be days where I won't feel like blogging, or that I may sit and stare at the screen looking for something to write. But I will do my best to always be me, even if I don't have much to say.

I really do value all of you for reading my blog. I finally figured out I had a glitch in the settings, which required people to sign up in order to post a comment. I have now changed that and posting a comment is open to anyone, even if you want to post as anonymous. So please, feel free to leave me a comment. I will read them all, and respond to the one's that require so.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Until tomorrow....

-Nick

A Reflection of Autumn

As promised, I am posting a poem that I published 3 years ago. I have decided to finally start making this a daily blog, so be sure to come back daily, and please tell your family and friends. I am looking to make this a blog with a good size reader audience. Hope you like the poem. Enjoy!

A Reflection of Autumn
By Nick ladish

The sun is setting and the earth seems to be still. And at this moment, all of life seems content to just be. To be alive, to be itself, there is real beauty that surrounds us everyday, if we just take the time to look. It's a crisp autumn evening, the kind where the wind gently blows against your face and you feel alive. Throughout the neighborhood, are the sounds of another day coming to an end. The smell of those who eat late dinners, children playing outside, fighting against the setting sun for just one more moment of daylight. There's the occasional loud engine, or lack of muffler, from a car driving down the street, a barking dog, a chirping bird, and the wind in the trees, making them rustle and stealing yet another leaf to the ground. It's the time of year to pack away the summer clothes, and exchange them for jackets, sweaters, and scarves.

There is something special about this time of year that sets it apart from all other seasons. Perhaps it's the air, or the anticipation of the upcoming holidays. Or maybe, it is simply a time for us to reflect and ponder over a warm cup of coffee, tea, or cider. To reflect upon the year that has already passed like an old memory. Whatever the reason, I will embrace this moment and try to hold on to it, wishing it would never pass by, while reflecting on life and the joy that can be found.

Tis the season to be sleepless and beardy

Hello one and all...

So once again it's been a while since I have posted an entry. It is now Fall, my most favorite season of all. I have been keeping busy with many things, and overall life is good, though at times crazy. For those of you who don't know, I have a really crazy sleeping schedule. Well, it's really not a schedule at all. Some nights I go to bed at 1am, others at 8am, as well as anything and everything in between. I have been trying desperately lately to find some sort of regular pattern/schedule, but so far have failed. Some of my friends think my sleeping schedule or lack thereof is nuts, and even funny, however, for me it's very frustrating. Laying in bed for four hours, unable to sleep is not my idea of fun or even funny. I have noticed it even seems to alter my mood on some days. There are times where I feel quite happy and sociable, and other times where I am sad, depressed, and feel very isolated and alone. I know this entry is a lot different from what I have been posting on here this year, but I felt the need to just be me.....nothing clever or witty, just my thoughts, and real emotion.

In addition to all this, I haven't shaved in two and a half months (though I have trimmed around my lips, dinner with a side of beard is nasty!). I have a friend as well as one of my brothers who aren't shaving as well, and we are having a contest to see if we can make it till January 1st of 2010 without shaving. So far, so good, though I must admit there days and times I just wanna shave it off, or at least trim it. In addition to the beard, I haven't had a hair cut since mid April. My hair is getting quite long. I fear that soon people will mistake me for a homeless man, or some kinda of weirdo, and turn away their glances at me, or be afraid to talk to me. So far this hasn't happened....perhaps it's just all in my mind?

I really am wanting to make this a regular (as in daily) blog. In doing so, it will definitely take a commitment on my part. I hope that in making it a daily blog, that I will get more readers, as well as comments. I'm kinda surprised I haven't had a single comment all year on this blog. So feel free as dirty hairy would say, and "make my day" by being the first to comment..it really would mean a lot to me!

I will post a poem about Fall that I wrote a few years ago tomorrow....until then....peace and love.

-Nick

Whoomp here it is! (Bacon anyone?)

It's been forever and ever since I have posted..oh dear blog whilst thou forgive me?!?!

So, I have been doing some thinking lately. I'm not sure anyone really cares what I have to say, but I've decided I'm going to say what's on my mind anyway. The past few days have been filled with lots o' rain and thunder. As a matter of fact, I just heard a loud BOOM!! a hundred yards from where I stand. Okay, I'm sitting as I type, but you get the point! Have any of you ever tried to type on a laptop whilst standing?! Yes silly, I know I used the word whilst, and not while...I find it to be more proper and civilized.

Things I dislike currently:

Bugs (well most, I still have love for ladybugs and rollie pollies)

Thugs

Mean people

War

The current presidental administration

People who lick their fingers while (see there I used it!) eating

Being rick-rolled (come on youtube peeps, enough is enough)

When I see someone sad

When I see someone homeless

When I take a shower, step out side whistling zippity do da, and a bird shits on my head!

Things currently like:

Hugs

Mugs (of the coffee variety)

Friends

Family

Having my nieces spend a weekend with me!

Singing in the rain

Driving in my car aimlessly with the music decibel's cranked!

That fall is drawing ever so near :)

A good book

Music (Imagine that!)

People who read and comment on my blog...hey you! yes, YOU! Please comment below..it will make my day! :)

Feel free to share your likes and dislikes. If you do, I promise I will write clever, witty, blogs daily!

And as Porky Pig always says:

-Nick

The High Life and Bucket Bouts Part 5

As she extends her hand to help him up, the telephone rings. The sound of the ring tone makes Amber tremble with fear, and she momentarily forgets why her hand is extended. Mitch picks himself up off the floor and reaches for the phone. "Hello?" he says into the receiver. The only thing he can hear on the other end of the line is heavy breathing. "Who is this?!" he screams into the phone "and what the hell do you"... but before he can finish the sentence, he hears a click and the phone line is dead. "What was that all about?" Amber asks with a puzzled look on her face. "I'm not sure." For some reason, every time I answer the phone, I hear heavy breathing and the person on the other end hangs up." "That sounds strange," she says with a worried look on her face. "Don't worry about it Amb, I'm sure it's nothing." "Let's get out of here." "Okay, but grab your jacket, it's a bit chilly outside," she replies. As Mitch goes to grab his jacket out of the closet, he hears drips begin to hit the floor in the kitchen. To be continued....

The High Life and Bucket Bouts Part 4

As Mitch struggles to get to his feet, his arms suddenly feel week and his head hits the floor. "Just lie still," Amber says as Mitch looks her straight in the eyes. It's moments like these, that he thinks to himself how crazy he is about this woman. "Do you have ice in the fridge?" she says as he watches her walk into the kitchen. "Yes, I do." But before he can finish saying the words, she is already putting ice into a paper towel. "Here, put this on your head," she says handing him the self made ice pack. "I guess all that time spent watching MacGyver episodes finally paid off eh?" he says with a chuckle, as he places the ice pack on the back of his head. "So...what exactly happened to you last night?" she asks. "I, I really don't remember." he replies. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he has another flash in his mind. If only he knew what took place last night, and why he keeps have these flashes. To be continued......

The High Life and Bucket Bouts Part 3

As yet another image flashes into his head, Mitch is left in a state of confusion and panic. He begins to feel his heart race fast, and his palms get sweaty. His stomach is in knots, the same kind of feeling he had when as a kid, he and a friend were busted for shoplifting. Suddenly, the room goes black, and his body goes limp. When he comes to, he sees a figure standing over him. As his eyes begin to focus, he makes out the figure. It's his good friend Amber. Mitch has know Amber since they were both in the 2nd grade. They are the kind of friends that can be in a group, yet they are the only two who understand their own private joke. They are so close, she was the one who was there for Mitch, to comfort him when his mom died in a car accident, when he was 12. Over the past few years, Mitch has fallen deeply in love with Amber, but has yet to tell her.

As his eyes are now focused his throat is as dry as a desert, as he struggles to speak. "Am.. "Amber?" he finally musters enough energy to speak out loud. "Yes, Mitch, it's me" she says back to him. As he stares into her brown eyes, she smiles at him. "Are you ok?" she asks. "I..I..don't know" he says back to her. As he rests his head back on the hard living room floor, he once again has a flash in his head, and feels more confused than ever. To be continued..