Autumn Is In The Air

I received an email today from an old friend that prompted me to remember I have a blog. It's not that I totally forgot that I have a blog, it's just that I have been so busy with life, that I haven't signed in since April. September 6th marked one year since my Mother passed away. It was a tough day for me, but also one of deep reflection. Although I will never completely "heal" or get over my Mother not being alive here on this earth, each new day brings more understanding and acceptance. I can only say that dealing with such a tramatic loss was easier due to my faith in God, as well as a loving family and friends.

It is almost a bittersweet moment as I write this, due to the fact that I feel both sadness, as well as great excitement. The excitement is due to my favorite season being upon us: Autumn. Autumn, aka Fall, is such an inspiring time of year. Not only do you get to pull the sweaters out of the closet, the rake out of the garage, and Halloween decorations out of storage, but you also get to see God's glorious work at hand with the changing both the temperature and the trees. Since it is now Autumn, I once again feel insipred to write more regurlarly on this blog.

For all of my friends who I haven't been in touch with during this past year, I want to offer my apologies. Thank you for being patient with me, as well as not forgetting about me. To give you a quick update on my life, RayLynn and I are expecting our baby boy next month (his due date is October 24th)! We have decided to name him Lincoln Nicholas Ladish (a good name if I don't say so myself!). I came up with the first name of Lincoln because my favorite president is Abraham Lincoln. Actually my interest in Lincoln is more like an obsession! I'm confident you would agree if you saw all of the Lincoln photos, books, and other memorabillia in our house. Speaking of our house, we are moving this week into a new home. I say new in the sense of new to us, since the house was built in 1940. It actually is a great house though, it has an amazing fireplace that I am anxious to start using! I guess you could say that (like Lincoln) I have an obsession with old houses (as does RayLynn). Both of us strongly dislike the modern "suburban" homes that seem to keep endlessly cropping up. If you are someone who likes or lives in such a home, we mean no offense I promise! :)

I will be sure to post another blog entry soon. Until next time...

Stay Gold,
Nick

Seven Months Later...

So, here I sit seven months since my last blog entry. I suppose you could say after the death of my mother, I needed some time to grieve and process things. Or, I could say that life got in the way and that I have been too busy. Perhaps both are true. Nevertheless, here I am writing a new entry. It has been nearly eight months since my Mother passed away. Although time and prayer certainly make things a little easier to deal with everyday, I still miss her more than ever. It's ironic how it's the little things that pop up in your memory that mean the most to you. Those memories are the dark corners of your mind, known only to you until if and when you decide to share them. Sometimes I sit down with an idea to blog about and begin typing away. Other times I sit here and reflect, ponder, and consider if I in fact have anything to say. I feel that sometimes writers feel that they must write something profound with each sentence, however, I have discovered this couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is, people like to read honest and real thoughts, not something that is always profound and life changing.

I'm sure most of my friends feel that it is near impossible to get a hold of me these days. In recent months, I have gotten rid of Facebook and stopped drinking coffee. I also don't drink alcohol anymore, or even own a cell phone. The past several months I have felt more healthy, and liberated that I ever have. Due to this, I have also felt more inspired than I have in a long time. I have started writing songs again (I took a break from doing so), and have been eating, and thinking on a healthier level. In addition, I have also done a bit of traveling in recent months. I feel that it is healthy for the mind, body, and soul of an individual to travel. It is one of the best ways to refresh the soul.


So, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, here I sit letting the words come from my thoughts instantly. I have missed writing in this blog. Since it has been so long, I'm not even sure anyone still reads this blog. But if you are, let me know how you have been.

Regards,

Nick

My Last Goodbye

The past few weeks have been the hardest of my life. I feel drained, yet inspired all at the same time. Losing a loved one is something we all contemplate at some point growing up, yet we are never really prepared to face it when it does happen. It has been nearly three weeks since my mother passed away from cancer. Back in the Fall of 2007, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. After surgery and treatments, it appeared she had beat cancer. In the year that followed, my mother faced reconstructive surgery, and watched as her hair grew back. My entire life, my mother always had long hair. I'll never forget the first time I saw her without hair. I had the same reaction when my dad shaved the mustache he had after more than twenty years, only this time it wasn't out of choice.

I remember I asked my mother once what was the worst part of going through having cancer and receiving treatments. Her answer was losing her hair, which knowing my mother so well, didn't surprise me. My mother and I were very much alike. She taught me many important lessons in life such as: treating people with kindness and respect, value your family and friends, how to cook, how to stitch worn clothes, and how to follow my dreams. She was the same mother who allowed me to pursue my interest in music by letting my have my first band rehearse in my upstairs bedroom. I can only imagine how bad we sounded, yet she fostered my interest in music without any complaining. Growing up, she was the one I could always look out into the crowd and see smiling and watching as I played during one of my numerous concerts.

I will never forget the call this past May when she found out that the cancer had returned, only this time it had spread to her lungs, bones, and brain. She was in tears, her voice breaking as she told me the doctor has listed her as "terminal." As the Summer months passed, I watched as her condition worsened. I felt powerless in my visits, which became more frequent despite the fact that we didn't live in the same city. I continued to pray each and every day to God for her full healing and recovery. In August, the doctor placed her in hospice. It was at this point I felt more scared and helpless than ever before in my life. This was my mother, the woman who had raised me, nurtured me, taken care of me when I was sick, yet there was nothing I could do to make her better, or to take her pain away. In a phone conversation a couple of days before she moved into hospice, I talked with her on the phone. It was a conversation like most we had shared over the years when we would randomly call one another to see what was new in life. Despite laying in a hospital bed sick with cancer, she asked me if there was anything I needed since I was moving the following day. That is exactly how my mother was; always wanting to take care of her six children even though all but one no longer lived with her.

I will never forget our last visit. It will be a memory forever etched, and cherished in my mind. During that last visit, her condition had taken a turn for the worse. Her brain was now swelling, and she was mixing up her thoughts and memories. Despite her condition, at one point she kept telling everyone in the room how well I can play the piano (it is one of eight instruments that I play). Shortly after saying this, she was getting tired and needed to rest. At that moment I wanted to stop time, and do whatever I could to stall saying goodbye. Although at the time I obviously wasn't sure this would be the last goodbye, something inside of me had a feeling this was the case. After watching her say goodbye to the others in the room, I made sure I was the last one to walk up to her bed and give her a hug. As we were hugging, she told me she loved me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, which at the time surprised me. Despite the fact that my whole life her and I had always hugged when saying goodbye, she hadn't kissed me since I was a child. When thinking about her kissing me on the cheek days later, I realized that she knew it would be our last goodbye. As I walked out of the door to her room, something inside me made me stop, turn around, and say: "Bye mom, I love you." As I walked out of the building, it took everything I had inside me to hold back the tears.

Last goodbye's are never easy. For quite some time, I have told my friends and family that I have a hard time with saying goodbye, even if it is under "normal" circumstances. My mother was the same way in this regard. I recall many times looking in my rear-view mirror while driving away and her looking out the front door watching me as I left (I also do the same thing). It is such a memory I believe, that should be deemed as "important" in our lives. It is so easy to caught up in what we think is important, whether it be material goods, or careers etc. However, in the grand scheme of life, such things are quite insignificant.

In the past three weeks since my mother passed away, I have felt a roller coaster of emotions. I have felt hurt, sad, inspired, tired, depressed, and angry. I have prayed, and talked to a lot to God. I have even asked God why He didn't heal my mother. Of course, in this earthly life, it is impossible for me to understand God's grand design and purpose. However, I do believe that my mother is now in His presence. Dealing with grief is never easy, especially when it involves death. I have learned (with the help of a book I am reading)that every individual has a different way of dealing with the grief they are experiencing. Furthermore, I have learned that there isn't a magic formula, or timetable for the grieving period. I can tell you from my personal experience the past three weeks that some days are better than others. Sometimes I feel guilty for laughing, or enjoying my day, after all, aren't I supposed to only be experiencing sadness right now? It is these kind thoughts that run through my mind during such moments.

What has helped during this time are those that are close to me in my life. My family, friends, and girlfriend, have been a tremendous source of comfort in recent weeks. Shortly after my mother passed away, I decided to remember her by honoring her life, and the memories I have of her. It was this very thinking that has inspired me in my life right now more than ever. I have been working more on my music, and the book that I am writing. I feel fortunate that I was able to share the plot of my book, as well as the names of the characters, with my mother a few months before she passed. She was really excited, and looking forward to reading my book once it was finished. I have also decided to start doing my weekly Wednesday vlog again beginning in October.

Although I will miss my mother each and every day, I know that she would want me to carry on with my life and pursue all my goals and dreams. And although I know this blog post probably isn't profound or life-changing, I do hope that it has provided an insight into the recent months of my life, and the grief I have been experiencing. In addition, I hope this post will challenge you to reflect on your own life, and inspire you to pursue your goals and dreams. Moreover, it is my hope that you will cherish those close to you, as well as those small chunks of life, that become important memories.

To all of you, thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me. To my mother, I love you and miss you everyday. You are the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.

With kindest regards,

-Nick-

p.s. My mother started a blog a year ago, but only made a single entry. If you would like to read what she wrote, please visit the following link: http://cancerhealthissues.blogspot.com/2009/10/breast-cancer-how-it-affects-mental.html Thank you-N.

Road Rage (Against the Machine)

“What a great day to be alive!” I say to myself as I get into my car and fire the engine. As I begin to drive, I roll down the window and crank some tunes and think “What a great day for an aimless drive”. Today, not even the dreadful prices of crude can bring me down. In fact, it seems as though, nothing can bring me down. That is, until I enter the freeway. Speeding along at a steady rate of speed, I suddenly see a bright red beast in front of me. His name appears to be ford. (Escort to be more exact). It seems this guy has forgot or perhaps never learned that the pass lane is the fast lane and the fast lane is the pass lane! Should I slam into his rear bumper?! Or perhaps enforce my horn-a-tude upon this lad? I take a deep breath, breathe in the fresh afternoon air and realize it’s not worth the hassle. I begin to laugh as I think of the stupidity of road rage. A moment later, Mr. Escort seems to realize either his mistake or me behind him and kindly pulls to the right lane. Ahh yes! “Victory at last!” I think to myself as I drive off into the sunset.

Cheers to all!

Nick

Technology: Good or Bad?

Today as I sat in a coffee shop, I found myself eavesdropping on a conversation that was taking place between two men who I estimate were in their eighties. As they began to talk, I started to listen as they were providing a wealth of knowledge and information. They began discussing the days of old, how business used to thrive in a shopping mall across the street from where we all sat, and how sad and empty the same buildings now looked. The conversation then turned to old radio programs, and how the people on various radio shows had talent, as well as taste. These programs served as a time for whole families to gather around the radio (as television had yet to become a mainstay), to provide some much needed laughter during turbulent times, such as was taking place during World War II. One of the gentlemen then made a remark about how television lacks substance, and is quite sexual, perverted, and tasteless.

As I began to think about what he had said, I began to realize how right he was. Even in the last twenty years, the quality of television programming, as well as the shows that now air, have diminished significantly. Where bad language was once not allowed on television shows, it has now become a standard practice, and deemed "cool." However in my opinion, there is nothing "cool" about foul language coming out of the mouths of actors on television shows, as many children now confide themselves in technology's grasp. Such television shows are a direct influence on children, and as we all know, kids are like sponges that absorb everything they hear and see. As I have stated in previous blogs, I feel that technology is hindering us much more than it is helping. Don't believe me? Consider this: There once was a time where children played outside in their yards, where neighbors knew one another and had trusting friendships, where whole neighborhoods would gather as a community. With some rare exceptions, most neighborhoods are now desolate as you walk or drive down the street. No longer do you hear children’s laughter and joy as they play outside. Due to such inventions as television, computers, and cell phones, children and adults alike, now confide themselves inside their homes. In addition, due to neighborhoods no longer having a sense of community, which fostered safety and trust, parents now live in fear of letting their children outside to play, pretend, and explore.

Furthermore, many people no longer enjoy reading a good book, or care about good spelling or writing skills. With such devices as instant messenger and texting on cell phones, the English language has now become full of abbreviations. The sad part is that most college students spend more time on Facebook during a classroom lecture, than paying attention to what is being taught, as most professors just think that their students are using their laptops for taking notes. Walk around any college campus in the United States and you will see nearly 75% of all students looking down as they walk while texting on their cell phones (be careful you might get ran into by one of them!).

Although technology certainly has provided great advances in inventions, medicine, and science, I personally feel that it is hindering us more than it is improving our quality of life. I believe that technology (as well as over processed, and fast food) is a large factor for the current issue of obesity in the United States. Moreover, due to people being stuck in their homes instead of enjoying nature, there are a lot less people exercising. This fact is also aided by more white-collar office jobs, where individuals sit at a desk all day looking at a computer screen.

Is there any hope for what I have officially dubbed as the "Technological-Trap Disease?" I believe unless more awareness is generated among the general public, this problem will only continue to get worse. I write this blog as my way to help you the reader, consider the negative effects of technology. It is my hope that you will consider the above mentioned social and physical issues, and begin to take steps in order to make a change toward improvement.

Let us always remember the wisdom of the older generation, and respect their point of view, for I feel they have a lot to offer.

Until next time,
Nick

4 Months and 7 (Okay, Okay, 5!) days ago....

Wow! Where does the time go? It's hard to believe it's been well over four months since my last blog entry. As of late, I have been focusing more on doing my video blogs, aka "vlogs" on my youtube channel (www.youtube.com/nickladish). All in all, things are going quite well for me. When I sit down to type these blogs, I don't sit and think of a topic or agenda, I just start typing-hence the title of my blog.

So what is on my mind tonight you may ask? It's the state of our nation, and the direction it is heading. The out of control spending, lack of fiscal responsibility, and government take over of the banking, auto, and possibly the health care industry, should be enough to worry us all, despite our individual party "affiliations." The nation wanted change, and change it recieved, just not in the form some expected. I tried to warn people of the dangers of putting a "freshman" senator in the oval office. The highest office in the land requires an individual who has considerable experience in government, as well as a vast knowledge of policy, economics, and foreign relations. Now don't get me wrong, I realize no one individual can know all things/topics pertaining to government and policy, but a good deal of experience working within government definately is necessary I feel, to be an efficient leader of a large country. The amount of money the government is spending, or rather borrowing (thanks to China, Japan and others), since we don't actually have the money on hand is frightening. There will be tremendous repercussions for this to be sure. We may not see such repercussions immediately, but in the not so distant future, it will prove to be a huge mistake. I could contine to ramble on about this subject, but for now, I will leave it at that.

I hope that as spring is nearing, you all are ready to get outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, I know I am. Oh yeah, I will try not to take so long to post another entry on here.
Take care,

Nick

An Owl In The Night

Hello one and all! Okay, so I have been incredibly busy as of late, and I apologize for not posting daily. I will continue to do my best to post daily, but if I miss a day here and there, please don't hold it against me :P

So, as I was leaving my apartment earlier this evening, I saw an owl perched on a fence post that surrounds the pool. At first I thought it was fake, and that someone had set it on there. However, as soon as I stopped to look at it, it turned it's head and looked at me. I stood there for a few minutes just admiring. It's not very often that an owl is so low to the ground, at eye level, and you are able to observe it's movements. While staring at this creature of the night, I started thinking of my grandmother who passed away from alzheimer's a handful of years ago. She loved owl's. I have very vivid memories of being a child and going to visit her. Throughout her house were owl pictures, pillow's with owls on them that she had made, as well as cloth cupholder's, and candle place mat's she had made as well. Since I was young at the time, I never got the chance to ask her why she liked owl's so much. I wish I would have had the chance. Everytime I see something with an owl, or simply think of an owl, I am reminded of her smile, warmth, and love.

I miss her everyday, and think of her often. I just want to encourage you to never waste a moment, or opportunity to ask your grandparents, parents, relatives, friends etc, questions about their life, and their story. In turn, never hesitate to share your own story when asked. It's crucial that we enjoy the limited amount of time with the one's that are close to us. It is something we should never take for granted.

I hope your week is going well.

-Nick

Short and Sweet

Hello one and all. First of all, I apologize for not posting the past couple of days. I have had a very busy weekend, and wasn't online at all. I'm going to keep this entry short. I have decided since this is a daily blog, to include you all. I am looking for any ideas you might have that you would like me to blog about. Though I have many ideas usually floating around in my head, I value and appreciate interaction, as well as ideas. So please feel free to leave you idea(s) in the comment section under this entry...I will be very greatful! I promise I will return to normally scheduled blogging tomorrow (Monday). I hope you all had a great weekend. Until tomorrow.....


-Nick

It's All The Hype!

After seeing the events of today's "balloon boy" incident, I felt the need to write a post about how the media can hype up anything. First of all, I have to say I am glad there wasn't actually a boy who floated away in a balloon. Secondly, I can't help but to wonder if the whole incident wasn't just a publicity stunt. I mean, is it really a coincidence that the family of the "balloon boy" just happened to be on the television show Wife Swap? Some people will do anything to get, or stay, in the limelight. Look at "Octomom." After having way to many kids, she not only got to have dozens of interviews on big name shows, but also received her own show, and a hefty paycheck.

One thing we have to realize is that the media will do anything, and everything, to get the best ratings possible. This includes ridiculous stories like "Bigfoot found", "Octomom", and now "balloon boy." I get annoyed when I see such stories getting all the media attention. Especially when we have such things as war taking place in Iraq and Afghanistan, the health care debate, and problems with our economy. How come such stories as a suicide bomber killing 49 people gets minimal coverage, whilst some story about a boy who wasn't even in a balloon, but hiding in the garage attic, gets top headlines? It's the same reason you don't see very many good natured stories in the top headlines. It doesn't generate ratings, which in turn doesn't generate money. Those are the top two goals of any news/media outlet. Another reason we don't always see such stories, is that they take place on the other side of the world. We have a horrible habit in this country of, "if it doesn't affect me, then I can turn my eyes the other way."

Even when David Letterman admitted to having multiple affairs, the media turned him into the sad victim. Instead of focusing on his behavior, bad decisions, and how hurt his wife must feel, the media put the focus on how he was the victim who was trying to be extorted for money. This all occurred while his ratings shot way up.

How sad have we become as not only a nation, but as a human race, when we simply laugh off, or even promote such immoral acts? When we favor bogus stories, over serious news, and when we would rather see only negativity and death in the news over something positive? It seems to me that Satan surely does have his grip on this world.

I will leave you with a piece of advice-Don't always believe everything you hear about in the news. Even though it really is, "all the hype!"

-Nick

A Tale Of The Impersonal, Weary, Cashier.

Soooo...I failed to make a post yesterday. Sorry about that. I had a day jammed packed full of spending time with friends, as well as several hours of band rehearsal. However, since I want to make sure I post something everyday, I will make two posts today (the second one coming this evening).

There is something I have noticed the past few year's that has been bothering me. What could be bothering me you may ask? It has to do with courtesy, friendliness, and interaction. I have noticed several times over the past few year's, that cashier's have become quite rude. I usually make a point to go out of my way and ask how the cashier is doing etc. Now when I ask this, I really am interested in knowing how they feel, whether good or bad. However, there have been several occasions where when I asked, I was left with only silence. It is almost like I haven't spoken a single word. The other thing I have noticed is when the cashier say's to me "Hi! how are you today?" When asked this question I will typically answer honestly and say, "I'm doing quite well, good, or fine." I then always follow that up with, "How are you today?" Nine out of ten times, I don't recieve any answer at all, once again nothing but silence.

It seems to me that asking someone how they are isn't a legite question, it has simply become a way of saying hello. This frustrates me a lot. If I didn't geuninely care about how you are doing, I simply wouldn't ask. I only ask the quesiton, because I really care. Over the past decade as we have become more introverted due to technology, and fear, we have seemed to also lost our sense of compassion. Now, I'm certainly not saying everyone is guilty at all times of being rude in this fashion. But, there is a good majority of people in my experience who are.

I want to encourage you all to go out of your way today to be friendly to a cashier. Ask them about how they feel, and how their day is, and really mean it. I can understand while cashier's may be weary, and hard pressed to answer your question of how they are doing. They are on their feet for hours at a time. For that reason alone, I have a great deal of respect for cashier's. So if you are reading this and you are a cashier, I salute you, and I also really care for you.

It's time we put an end to this form of impersonal communication.

Thank you for reading,

-Nick

Get Him A Body Bag!

I had a great conversation tonight regarding classic 80's movies, as well as the classic lines that came from them. The movie I have picked for this post, is The Karate Kid. Perhaps no movie was so classic in the sense of the "classic 80's flicks" (well, perhaps Back To The Future?!?!). This is a movie that actually has a good theme: If you are good at karate, you can kick some butt! Okay, well that's not really what the film was about. It's about being the odd man out, searching for hope, and searching for love. I think we can all relate to those struggles. I know I have certainly been there myself. I believe there is a little bit of Daniel LaRusso in all of us. Though I have never quite had a sensei like Mr. Miyagi, I do feel that God acts as my sensei. He is full of wisdom when I'm seeking answers, full of encouragement, when I feel hopeless, and understands the principles of life better than I do. These are all the virtues I see in Mr. Miyagi (though I won't begin calling him God!).

Along with the lessons taught in this film, come perhaps the most classic line in all film...okay, well at least in all of 80's flicks! The line occurs during the final fight scene of the movie, when Johnny's friend and fellow karate student yells out: "Get him a body bag!" "yeahhhhh.....hahahahaha!"

So in honor of this classic scene, I now present it to you courtesy of youtube:





-Nick

Music Is Life

As a musician, just like with writing, sometimes I find myself without inspiration. However, I have noticed when I buy some new albums to listen to, song ideas seem to flood into my head (Even if most of them are at 2am!). This has been the case for me lately. I have written several new songs in the past month. I have also bought a handful of new albums in the past month (See the pattern here?!?!). So I have decided to share with you a list of new albums I have been listening to lately, as well as some that are constant rotation in my collection. So here it goes....

New music:

Muse- The Resistance
Landon Pigg- The Boy Who Never
Pillar- Confessions
Skillet- Awake
B. Reith- Now Is Not Forever
Relient K- Forget And Not Slowdown

New album's coming soon that I will be getting/listening to:

The Swell Season- Strict Joy
Jamie Cullum- The Pursuit
Silverchair- As yet untitled
Fiction Plane- As yet untitled
30 Seconds To Mars- This Is War

Albums in constant rotation in my play list:

The Jackson 5- The Ultimate Collection
The Jackson 5- Love Songs
Jeff Buckley- Live At Sin-e
Jeff Buckley- Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk
Jeff Buckley- Grace & Grace Around The World (2 separate albums)
Michael Jackson- Number One's
The Beach Boys- Pet Sounds
Silverchair- Diorama
The Police- Message In A Box
Phil Collins- Hits
Fiction Plane- Everything Will Never Be Ok
Fiction Plane- Left Side Of The Brain
Genesis- Platinum Collection
The Swell Season- Once Soundtrack
The Swell Season- Self Titled
Dishwalla- Opaline
Landon Pigg- Self Titled
Nirvana- Self Titled
The Smashing Pumpkins- Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness
Jamie Cullum- Twentysomething
Revis- Places For Breathing
Sting- All This Time

Sting- Fields Of Gold: The Best Of Sting 1984-1994

Fleetwood Mac- Greatest Hits

Stan Getz- A Life In Jazz: A Musical Biography
Ella Fitzgerald- Pure Ella: The Very Best Of Ella Fitzgerald
Billie Holiday- The Legacy: 1933
Clifford Brown- Brown And Roach, Inc


Until next time...

-Nick

Reflections By The Fire

At this moment (2:32am), I am sitting next to the fireplace in my living room, laptop, well exactly where it is supposed to be according to it's name-on my lap. I have always been fascinated by fires that burn in a fireplace. I grew up in two homes during my childhood that had fireplaces. Not only does a fire provide warmth, to me it also provides a sense of comfort. No matter what stress is taking place in life, I can sit next to a fire and all seems right with the world. Sometimes I will read a book next to the fireplace, or sometimes just simply sit and stare as the flames rise, and the wood crackles.

As I was watching the fire tonight, a thought came over me. Life is kinda like a fire. We as humans are born into this world, thanks to God's craftsmanship, only when the right ingredients are in place. The same is true for a fire. To make a fire, you need the right ingredients, such as wood, a spark, oxygen and so on. Without all the ingredients in place, a fire will never start. A good example of this is in the movie Castaway starring Tom Hanks. In the film, after the plane he is traveling in crashes, he finds himself stranded and utterly alone on a remote island. He attempts to make a fire in order to cook his food, as well as stay warm. Several minutes go by in the film where he attempts to start a fire. He has some wood, and is rubbing sticks together in hopes to spark the fire to start, but all he sees is some smoke rising. He knows he is so close to starting a fire, yet try as he may, it won't start. Finally he realizes he needs oxygen in the mix in order for the fire to start. It's the same with us humans. In order to come into existence, we need the right ingredients, especially the key ingredient oxygen. Without it, we are not brought to life, or allowed to live and thrive. The same is applied in the case of starting and maintaining a fire. The amazing thing about a fire is just when you think it's about to burn out, you can stoke the fire by simply using the poker, and it will come back to life.

I can relate to this in my personal experience with life. There have been times of despair when I felt all hope was lost in life, or when I have lost hope and faith in God. But just as soon as I begin to do so, God puts forth the things in my life (sometimes I don't realize it till much later), let's call them the ingredients, that begin to give me hope in life, and faith in Him. So in a sense, God stokes the fire inside of me, and ignites my hope, thus reaffirming my faith.

I once had a man tell me, you can step out of the will of God, but never out of the love of God. Out of all of the sermons I have heard, churches I have attended, times I have been burned or let down by other believers, these are the words that have stayed with me, and meant the most to me. They are the words that remind me that God does love us, no matter how much we screw up, rebel, curse Him, damage our own bodies, and so on. It also reminds me that God, and belief and faith in God, go way beyond the religious rituals that exist in the world that are human made. I can understand why people turn away from God, or become angry at a church. Sometimes while the right intentions may be meant , the real focus and purpose can be lost. This is something I have experienced personally in my faith as well.

I encourage you all if you get a chance, to take the time to simply sit by a fire and reflect. Life can be so busy and stressful, that sometimes we lose sight of ourselves, and what life is really all about. Even if you aren't able to sit by a fire, take a walk through your neighborhood and reflect on life, and the goodness that exists around us. Sometimes we simply just need to take the time to stop, reflect, relax, and take in the simple, quiet moments of life.

Until next time...stay stoked!

-Nick

Sleep (or lack thereof), Honesty, and Other Fun Things.

So here I am at 4:02am, and day 3 since I decided to make this a daily blog. As you can tell, my sleep schedule is still out of whack. Or is it? I started pondering this the other day after I posted my blog about my "crazy" sleep schedule. Perhaps my schedule isn't "crazy" after all. To be totally honest, it feels quite normal and natural to me. The only thing that makes it seem "crazy", is the fact that most people sleep during the night. I feel this is largely due to the fact that most people have to get up in the morning for work, or to take kids to school. Have you ever noticed when you don't have to get up in the morning for anything specific, that you tend to stay up most of the night? I feel that perhaps most people are wired to do so, but don't normally have a chance to stay up because they need to adhere to a structured sleep schedule; one that fits accordingly with their daily lives. The truth is, in the past when I did have to get up in the morning, it was hard for me to always fall asleep at a decent hour in order to get a decent night's sleep. I have never been a big sleeper in terms of hours slept.

I have to admit that it is during the late night hours (meaning between 1am-6am) that I am the most creative. I write 99% of my songs during that time, as well as this blog, and the novel I am currently working on. But I will also admit, it can be a lonely time as well. Since this is a time when most people are sleeping, there is rarely anyone available to talk or chat with. Sometimes I desperately need someone during these late night hours. I think this helps to add to my feelings of loneliness.

I once read a Michael Jackson interview in Rolling Stone from 1983. In the article, Michael mentions how when he wasn't touring and was at home in Encino (where he lived at the time), he would go for long walks in the evening around his neighborhood, just hoping to find someone to talk to, yet never did. You have to remember this was during the height of his fame, right after Thriller came out, and made him the biggest star on the planet. I found what he said about taking the walks very sad, but I could also relate to it, for I have done the exact same thing myself. No one at the time would have ever thought that the most famous person on the planet, would also be one of the most lonely. It seems that happiness and success don't ever really seem to go hand in hand.

I had a friend recently who told me that I was a bad friend, and that she felt like she didn't even really know the "real" me. After she told me this, it really got me thinking. I have to admit, she was right, I haven't been a good friend to her. Which more than likely means I haven't been a good friend to others. If you are one of my friends who feel that way, I sincerely apologize. Please blame it on my head and not my heart. I know I tend to not share myself, and who I am with everyone. I have had a crazy life full of hurt, sadness, anger, pain, abuse, heartache, fear, and loneliness. I'm not afraid to admit that to you all now. After my conversation with my friend, I decided that I need to open up and share myself a little more with you all.

So, I have decided that's what this blog will be all about. It will be about my thoughts, and feelings. Sometimes it will be silly, sometimes serious. I want to share my journey with you all. This will include my music, and my writing. The most important thing is that I'm always honest and true to myself. I know there will be days where I won't feel like blogging, or that I may sit and stare at the screen looking for something to write. But I will do my best to always be me, even if I don't have much to say.

I really do value all of you for reading my blog. I finally figured out I had a glitch in the settings, which required people to sign up in order to post a comment. I have now changed that and posting a comment is open to anyone, even if you want to post as anonymous. So please, feel free to leave me a comment. I will read them all, and respond to the one's that require so.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Until tomorrow....

-Nick

A Reflection of Autumn

As promised, I am posting a poem that I published 3 years ago. I have decided to finally start making this a daily blog, so be sure to come back daily, and please tell your family and friends. I am looking to make this a blog with a good size reader audience. Hope you like the poem. Enjoy!

A Reflection of Autumn
By Nick ladish

The sun is setting and the earth seems to be still. And at this moment, all of life seems content to just be. To be alive, to be itself, there is real beauty that surrounds us everyday, if we just take the time to look. It's a crisp autumn evening, the kind where the wind gently blows against your face and you feel alive. Throughout the neighborhood, are the sounds of another day coming to an end. The smell of those who eat late dinners, children playing outside, fighting against the setting sun for just one more moment of daylight. There's the occasional loud engine, or lack of muffler, from a car driving down the street, a barking dog, a chirping bird, and the wind in the trees, making them rustle and stealing yet another leaf to the ground. It's the time of year to pack away the summer clothes, and exchange them for jackets, sweaters, and scarves.

There is something special about this time of year that sets it apart from all other seasons. Perhaps it's the air, or the anticipation of the upcoming holidays. Or maybe, it is simply a time for us to reflect and ponder over a warm cup of coffee, tea, or cider. To reflect upon the year that has already passed like an old memory. Whatever the reason, I will embrace this moment and try to hold on to it, wishing it would never pass by, while reflecting on life and the joy that can be found.

Tis the season to be sleepless and beardy

Hello one and all...

So once again it's been a while since I have posted an entry. It is now Fall, my most favorite season of all. I have been keeping busy with many things, and overall life is good, though at times crazy. For those of you who don't know, I have a really crazy sleeping schedule. Well, it's really not a schedule at all. Some nights I go to bed at 1am, others at 8am, as well as anything and everything in between. I have been trying desperately lately to find some sort of regular pattern/schedule, but so far have failed. Some of my friends think my sleeping schedule or lack thereof is nuts, and even funny, however, for me it's very frustrating. Laying in bed for four hours, unable to sleep is not my idea of fun or even funny. I have noticed it even seems to alter my mood on some days. There are times where I feel quite happy and sociable, and other times where I am sad, depressed, and feel very isolated and alone. I know this entry is a lot different from what I have been posting on here this year, but I felt the need to just be me.....nothing clever or witty, just my thoughts, and real emotion.

In addition to all this, I haven't shaved in two and a half months (though I have trimmed around my lips, dinner with a side of beard is nasty!). I have a friend as well as one of my brothers who aren't shaving as well, and we are having a contest to see if we can make it till January 1st of 2010 without shaving. So far, so good, though I must admit there days and times I just wanna shave it off, or at least trim it. In addition to the beard, I haven't had a hair cut since mid April. My hair is getting quite long. I fear that soon people will mistake me for a homeless man, or some kinda of weirdo, and turn away their glances at me, or be afraid to talk to me. So far this hasn't happened....perhaps it's just all in my mind?

I really am wanting to make this a regular (as in daily) blog. In doing so, it will definitely take a commitment on my part. I hope that in making it a daily blog, that I will get more readers, as well as comments. I'm kinda surprised I haven't had a single comment all year on this blog. So feel free as dirty hairy would say, and "make my day" by being the first to comment..it really would mean a lot to me!

I will post a poem about Fall that I wrote a few years ago tomorrow....until then....peace and love.

-Nick

Whoomp here it is! (Bacon anyone?)

It's been forever and ever since I have posted..oh dear blog whilst thou forgive me?!?!

So, I have been doing some thinking lately. I'm not sure anyone really cares what I have to say, but I've decided I'm going to say what's on my mind anyway. The past few days have been filled with lots o' rain and thunder. As a matter of fact, I just heard a loud BOOM!! a hundred yards from where I stand. Okay, I'm sitting as I type, but you get the point! Have any of you ever tried to type on a laptop whilst standing?! Yes silly, I know I used the word whilst, and not while...I find it to be more proper and civilized.

Things I dislike currently:

Bugs (well most, I still have love for ladybugs and rollie pollies)

Thugs

Mean people

War

The current presidental administration

People who lick their fingers while (see there I used it!) eating

Being rick-rolled (come on youtube peeps, enough is enough)

When I see someone sad

When I see someone homeless

When I take a shower, step out side whistling zippity do da, and a bird shits on my head!

Things currently like:

Hugs

Mugs (of the coffee variety)

Friends

Family

Having my nieces spend a weekend with me!

Singing in the rain

Driving in my car aimlessly with the music decibel's cranked!

That fall is drawing ever so near :)

A good book

Music (Imagine that!)

People who read and comment on my blog...hey you! yes, YOU! Please comment below..it will make my day! :)

Feel free to share your likes and dislikes. If you do, I promise I will write clever, witty, blogs daily!

And as Porky Pig always says:

-Nick

The High Life and Bucket Bouts Part 5

As she extends her hand to help him up, the telephone rings. The sound of the ring tone makes Amber tremble with fear, and she momentarily forgets why her hand is extended. Mitch picks himself up off the floor and reaches for the phone. "Hello?" he says into the receiver. The only thing he can hear on the other end of the line is heavy breathing. "Who is this?!" he screams into the phone "and what the hell do you"... but before he can finish the sentence, he hears a click and the phone line is dead. "What was that all about?" Amber asks with a puzzled look on her face. "I'm not sure." For some reason, every time I answer the phone, I hear heavy breathing and the person on the other end hangs up." "That sounds strange," she says with a worried look on her face. "Don't worry about it Amb, I'm sure it's nothing." "Let's get out of here." "Okay, but grab your jacket, it's a bit chilly outside," she replies. As Mitch goes to grab his jacket out of the closet, he hears drips begin to hit the floor in the kitchen. To be continued....

The High Life and Bucket Bouts Part 4

As Mitch struggles to get to his feet, his arms suddenly feel week and his head hits the floor. "Just lie still," Amber says as Mitch looks her straight in the eyes. It's moments like these, that he thinks to himself how crazy he is about this woman. "Do you have ice in the fridge?" she says as he watches her walk into the kitchen. "Yes, I do." But before he can finish saying the words, she is already putting ice into a paper towel. "Here, put this on your head," she says handing him the self made ice pack. "I guess all that time spent watching MacGyver episodes finally paid off eh?" he says with a chuckle, as he places the ice pack on the back of his head. "So...what exactly happened to you last night?" she asks. "I, I really don't remember." he replies. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he has another flash in his mind. If only he knew what took place last night, and why he keeps have these flashes. To be continued......

The High Life and Bucket Bouts Part 3

As yet another image flashes into his head, Mitch is left in a state of confusion and panic. He begins to feel his heart race fast, and his palms get sweaty. His stomach is in knots, the same kind of feeling he had when as a kid, he and a friend were busted for shoplifting. Suddenly, the room goes black, and his body goes limp. When he comes to, he sees a figure standing over him. As his eyes begin to focus, he makes out the figure. It's his good friend Amber. Mitch has know Amber since they were both in the 2nd grade. They are the kind of friends that can be in a group, yet they are the only two who understand their own private joke. They are so close, she was the one who was there for Mitch, to comfort him when his mom died in a car accident, when he was 12. Over the past few years, Mitch has fallen deeply in love with Amber, but has yet to tell her.

As his eyes are now focused his throat is as dry as a desert, as he struggles to speak. "Am.. "Amber?" he finally musters enough energy to speak out loud. "Yes, Mitch, it's me" she says back to him. As he stares into her brown eyes, she smiles at him. "Are you ok?" she asks. "I..I..don't know" he says back to her. As he rests his head back on the hard living room floor, he once again has a flash in his head, and feels more confused than ever. To be continued..